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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090936">The Minds Still Fears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKMLN/pseuds/NKMLN'>NKMLN</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Swamp Thing (Comics), Swamp Thing: Twin Branches (Graphic Novel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Body Horror, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, POV Second Person, Plants, Song: Strawberry Wine (Deana Carter), no one fucking touch me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:35:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKMLN/pseuds/NKMLN</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Its eye-lights gutter, and you bolt forward as it trembles, and you're right under it when it rights itself, surrounded by wood and bark and green and rotting plants. "It's okay- it's okay, bud, I'm here, I'm- it's okay-"</p><p>You reach out and place a hand on one of the wooden tendrils surrounding you, and your mind floods with sensation. Soil, sun, water, a constant conscious expenditure of energy designed to be as efficient as possible. It is a great and alien thing. You were right.</p><p>You do not feel your brother. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Holland &amp; Walker Holland, Swamp Thing &amp; Walker Holland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Minds Still Fears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>You can hear it singing.</p><p>It's not- it's not singing the way an animal would, which is how you know what it is. Or what it's... <em>who</em> it is. It's low and grating and thin and it howls through the trees, over the water, through the window- they told you to go home. They told you to go home. Where- where's home supposed to be, now? What are you-</p><p>
  <em>...strawberry wine...</em>
</p><p>You pull the pillow over your head and bring your knees to your chest. Your chest is pulled like a rubber band. Fuck him. God, you- you hate him so much. You hate him.</p><p>
  <em>...seventeen...</em>
</p><p>You don't think your cousins can hear it. Him. You don't think your cousins can hear it, but they didn't fall in that swamp, they weren't sent buzzing into some fucking state of delirium, the plants didn't talk, didn't take your fucking brother- didn't-</p><p>...<em>july... july...</em></p><p>It can't fucking pronounce July right. You open your mouth to laugh and bite down on a thick, harrowing sob. You can't get up to close the window. Your brother is singing Strawberry Wine. Your brother is gone.</p><p>You can hear something creaking at the window. You do not move. The singing stops.</p><p>Silence</p><p>
  <em>tired</em>
</p><p>You close your eyes and stay still, pretending to be asleep.The window slides shut. Something blots out the moon behind your eyelids.</p><p>
  <em>pain-brother-pain-protect-tired-rest-brother</em>
</p><p>The moon returns. Your room smells like Alec.</p><p>You cry.</p><hr/><p>The police keep asking you what happened, like you know anything. Like you’re supposed to just- to just go, oh, yeah, TJ and Clint? Yeah, my brother turned into a bunch of plants and kicked their asses ‘cause they tried to kill us. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to bruise TJ's ribs. If you see Alec, could you tell him to cut it out and come home? He left all his stuff at the lab and no one knows what to do with it, and that girl won’t let anyone touch it, and I don’t want to get near it or her or anything my brother ever touched other than the lower bunk and I-</p><p>So... yeah. You haven’t told the cops much.</p><p>Clint is in the hospital. He and TJ are facing charges for attempted manslaughter- you’re not sure what the charges are for Fancy Sam. Vandalism, destruction of private property... was it property at all? Were you all partying on a landmark the whole time? God, you just... what are you supposed to make of that? Of any of this? It- <em>he-</em></p><p>"Walker?" Your aunt asks as you get up from the kitchen table. You haven't touched your food. She’s looking at you. Stop. <em>Stop</em>. "Walker, are you alright? Do you-"</p><p>You can't talk to her. You can't eat. You think you're losing your mind. "I'm fine, Aunt Jess. I'm... I'm gonna go out to the swamp.”</p><p>You're not sure how she reacts, because you're already halfway out the door, holding Alec's stupid hat. You don’t remember picking it up. God, you hated this fucking thing. He was so proud of it, he loved it from the moment your dad put it on his head, thought it was the greatest thing he'd ever laid eyes on- except you, of course, he loved you most. Everyone loved you most. You- that didn't make your brother expendable. He was never expendable.</p><p>
  <em>This is the only thing I can do for you.</em>
</p><p>You're going to kill him.</p><p>You go into the swamp through the backyard. You haven't seen Barrel or Gallon since- since. You think they're probably dead. Or... worse. Like Alec. Tangible, shambling, <em>thing</em> worse. Goddamn, if he thinks he's going to get off easy for that, he's got another thing coming. He promised he'd f- god, no, he didn't, did he? He didn't say shit, you just covered for him like you always do, and he just stood there and stayed quiet because he knew he couldn't- couldn't-</p><p>You keep thinking about how much you hate him right now, because it's easier than thinking about how you're never going to see him again. You saw Jolie's laptop open to a page about the five stages of grief last night, when you moved from the couch to your room: denial is done with, anger is next. Anger is current. Anger is sliding through your veins like ice, white-cold and shrieking, hissing as it reaches your innermost workings, the ones you made sure everyone knew except for Alec, apparently, because he didn't know how much he mattered to you, he didn't know what this would do to you, you'd rather be bleeding to death with your brain beaten to chunks in the swamp then live like this, without your shadow, without him, why didn't he-</p><p>Wow. Goddamn.</p><p>You are pathetic.</p><p>
  <em>invader</em>
</p><p>You whirl at the shush-sound, flashlight landing on a bird that looks like it's been made out of curled, winding vines, the way... like that thing was, when you last saw it. It doesn't move, just looks at you, and you wonder, in a moment of bright, uncolored hysteria, if it can still fly.</p><p><em>intruder-soil-peat-nutrient-wet-low</em> it chirps in your brain. You don't think plants know all those words. You don't think they should be able to. You don't think you should still be able to hear them, it's not like you were exposed to Boris that long. Fuck. You... they found his equipment at his lab, labeled in his handwriting: GLOVES. You weren't supposed to touch that stuff. It had made you feel like you were floating, like that time you got high after school in junior year, and you laughed so hard you gagged, except nothing was funny. You remember that so vividly. Nothing was funny, you were just lying there and watching Clint pull out the hammer and thinking that this was how you were going to die. And that- that was fine. You'd be protecting Alec. You could die like that. That was okay.</p><p>Nothing's okay.</p><p>You keep moving through the swamp, keeping your flashlight trained ahead of you. It's daylight, but you still expect to look up and see that grinning moon over the trees, piercing through the sky and watching everything with those wide, hollow crater-eyes. You still expect to get the shit kicked out of you. You... you still expect to die. </p><p>You still expect to see Alec, and he’s just not there.</p><p>The sun burns. You keep moving.</p><p>You don't know what you expect to find out here. You don't know if you're trying to find your brother, or Boris, or whatever the two of them became- why is it so easy to  refer to Alec as an It, and so hard to call Boris anything other than a person? It feels vaguely nauseating- perhaps you just feel nauseated. It wouldn't surprise you. You're not sure the last time you ate.</p><p><em>hunger</em> the plants chorus. <em>hunger-energy-nutrient-soil-hot-wet</em></p><p>You don't know how to respond to that. They aren't saying what you want to hear.</p><p>
  <em>hunger-sun-heat-soil-brother-mud-water</em>
</p><p>You turn in time to see something slip through the trees in the corner of your eye. Its jaw gapes, fungal crust spilling from the edges of its eye-lights like tears. It wraps around the trees, moves through them like a snake, but so much more monstrous than you could possibly imagine. You can't see him there. You can't see Alec.</p><p>You hold out a shaking hand. "Hey, dude," you say quietly, the breath curling and dying in your throat as you use it. "Alec. Hey."</p><p>The thing- Alec- watches you. It moves softly, like water. It does not reach out for you. <em>brother</em></p><p>"Yeah." A step closer. The mud squelches into the tracks of your shoes. "Yeah, brother. It's- do you know me? Alec?"</p><p>
  <em>walker</em>
</p><p>"Walker! Walker, yeah, that's right!" You smile at it as your vision blurs, splits. Closer. "It's me. I- I came to find you. I'm gonna get you out, okay? We're- we're gonna go home."</p><p>
  <em>body</em>
</p><p>"That's- that's okay, we'll figure it out. I just- everyone's been worried about you, and we want you to come home, and- no one's mad, okay? We're all just scared. We all just- we all just want to make sure you're okay. Do you know how long you've been out here?"</p><p>
  <em>dark-light-wet-sun-rain</em>
</p><p>You can hear his voice slipping away, turning into that gossamer-thin sound the rest of the plants made when you'd been with your brother, waiting for death in the moss and loam. "No- no, Alec, c'mon, please." Your voice breaks. "Alec, stay with me, okay? Stay here. Please."</p><p>There's a moment of silence, broken only by the hum of insects and the murmur of the plants around you. The creature watches you and lowers itself to the ground, clacking its mouth like some horrific puppet. <em>hard</em></p><p>"Hard?"</p><p>
  <em>think-hard-words</em>
</p><p>Its eye-lights gutter, and you bolt forward as it trembles, and you're right under it when it rights itself, surrounded by wood and bark and green and rotting plants. "It's okay- it's okay, bud, I'm here, I'm- it's okay-"</p><p>You reach out and place a hand on one of the wooden tendrils surrounding you, and your mind floods with sensation. Soil, sun, water, a constant conscious expenditure of energy designed to be as efficient as possible. It is a great and alien thing. You were right.</p><p>You do not feel your brother.</p><p>The creature doesn't pull away from your touch. It feels like damp, rough wood under your fingers, but you can feel it moving, stretching, growing even as you stay still. This thing will die a million million times as you grow up, going dormant in the winter, springing back to wild life when the sun returns and the clouds clear. It will live a life separate from you. It will never be a person again, if it was ever a person at all. Alec is gone.</p><p>He's gone.</p><p>The ground rises to meet you as you fall. You bury your face in your hands, unblinking, unbreathing. The beast settles itself in silent coils around you.</p><p>
  <em>walker</em>
</p><p>"Walker," you choke. "Yeah. That's- you got it."</p><p>
  <em>pain</em>
</p><p>You don't know who it's talking about. You have to close your eyes. You can't look at this. You hate yourself for it.</p><p>
  <em>pain-pain-pain-defend-grow-change-help</em>
</p><p>There's a rush of creaking wood. Something touches your face. <em>Walker.</em></p><p>"Alec," you choke. He's here. You open your eyes and he's here, green, verdant, in his own shape, in something close enough, and you throw yourself at him, crush him to your chest until you're sure that neither of you can breathe, but he hugs back with rough wooden fingers and its enough.</p><p>"How-"</p><p>
  <em>Can't stay.</em>
</p><p>"No." You clutch him tighter. "No, you have to stay."</p><p><em>Can't. </em>He presses a feeling of guilt into your mind, followed by a sense of fear, of holding onto something and slipping away. <em>Lucid. Short. Later again. Better.</em></p><p>You let him go and put your hands around his arms, studying him. No eyes. A fuchsia flower where his mouth should be. "Why-"</p><p>A flash of pride, triumph. <em>Defend</em>.</p><p>"I hate you so much."</p><p>More guilt. More pride. <em>Love.</em></p><p>"Shut up." You don't let go of him. Of course you love him, that's why you're angry. "We miss you. I miss you."</p><p>Guilt.</p><p>"You fucked up dad."</p><p>Pride. Anger.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>He moves so he's sitting next to you, and leans against your shoulder. If he were breathing, you get the feeling it would be labored. <em>Visit?</em></p><p>"Yeah," you say. You don't even think about it. "Of course I'll visit. If- I can bring Jolie and Dalton, they're worried about you, everyone thought you'd d-" Your throat closes. "Um."</p><p>He leans against you harder, like he did when he was hallucinating and needed to reassure himself that something he could see was really there, no matter how frightening that thing was. <em>Walker. Stay.</em></p><p>You put an arm around him. "Yeah, bud," you say softly. "Yeah, I can do that."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Knife and grudge taken from my fucking heart where Maggie Stiefvater planted them, MA'AM.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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